Thursday, March 27, 2014

Questionable predictions from after-dinner confections

I got Chinese food last week because I enjoy leftovers and fortune cookies. At least, I used to enjoy fortune cookies. I'm beginning to think fortune cookies don't like me very much, though.

I've already talked about a fortune cookie trying to bait me into a theological argument. The fortunes I've drawn this past week, on the other hand, have been somewhat bewildering.


Let's break this down. #1 isn't so bad, in my opinion, though Girlfriend thought it was the sort of fortune Genghis Khan might get.

#2 is more open to interpretation. Was that cookie trying to tell me I ought to be a test subject? That I was congenitally abnormal? And "could prosper"? Where's the world-bestriding confidence of fortune #1? Fortune cookies aren't a sound basis for major life decisions to begin with, but if the cookie itself is unsure of its prediction then the whole exercise's narrow foundation crumbles.

#3 doesn't make very much sense. I suspect it is a lyric from an upcoming song by one of those arch pop rock groups like the Arctic Monkeys or the Killers.

#4 is practically fighting words. Excuse me, cookie! Would you say that to someone at a party? To a friend, even? Where do you get off? Your overt contempt for my achievements (those yet unachieved and, by inference, those already behind me) is completely uncalled for. I worked for what I have, I'll have you know. But you know what, cookie? I crumbled you into pieces and ate you.

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