A parable of a town on fire

Once there was a town called Elephant Falls. At least, it may have been called that; it hardly matters. Most of the buildings there were made of wood and close together, predating the advent of fire codes. One summer morning, as should surprise no one, a fire started in the downtown area. And as soon as people saw it, they started shouting, "Fire! Fire! Soon the whole town will go up in smoke!"

The mayor was very worried and called a meeting of all his subordinates. "This town is very vulnerable to fire," he said. "I'm worried that the whole town will burn down."

The mayor's secretary, who was very smart and whose opinion the mayor valued highly, said, "I don't think the whole town will be destroyed. There have been fires here before, but the whole town did not burn down. In fact we have a very well-funded fire department, which tends to keep these things under control. It would be foolish to panic." The secretary's words came as a great relief to many.

The fire marshal left the meeting in fine spirits and returned to the fire department, where he found the firefighters enjoying a game of cribbage. One of the firefighters greeted the fire marshal and said, "I've heard that there is a fire downtown, and I was wondering what we should do about it."

The fire marshal replied, "I have just come from a meeting on that very subject. There's no need to panic. It turns out that our town employs people to keep these things under control." And the fire marshal joined the fire fighters in their game.

Around lunchtime that day much of the city was on fire. People from the town next door gathered to toast marshmallows and laugh. "I always knew this town would burn to the ground," they said.

Some citizens tried to organize a bucket brigade. Many other citizens shook their heads and said, "It's too late for that now." Still another group of citizens said, "I don't see what all the commotion is about. I've been saying for years that some of these buildings were eyesores and needed to go. Why are you so upset now that someone's gotten around to it?"

In the afternoon, the mayor called another meeting of all his subordinates. "This is very alarming!" he said. "Three-quarters of the town are on fire. What are we going to do?"

"Some of the citizens are forming bucket brigades," said the mayor's secretary. "We could use the town's firefighting equipment to help them."

"No more out of you," said the fire marshal. "We wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't given everyone a false sense of security. In my opinion it is too late to stop the fire from spreading. I think we should try to make friends with the fire. If we bring it offerings of newspaper and gasoline, it may remember that we were helpful and only burn the people we don't like."

"Under the circumstances, that seems like the most reasonable course of action," the mayor said, the heat curling his mustache.

Bat-ticipation

The other day I re-watched Batman Begins again, having re-watched The Dark Knight not too long ago for the fourth or fifth time. I was struck again by how much better TDK was than BB. While Begins was a fun and interesting look at how one might build the Batman character in a mostly/relatively realistic world, it wasn't great. You know, not great-great. I probably enjoyed it only slightly more than Superman Returns, all told, though I'm given to understand that I'm the only person in America who thought Superman Returns was any good. Begins was weighed down by overwrought dialogue and scenes that mostly read as the-scene-where-we-establish so-and-so, followed by the-scene-where-now-this-happens. TDK was really just a higher caliber of film. I'm also repeatedly surprised by how detachable it is from its predecessor. The actors are (mostly) the same but look at the city, the tone, the plot threads. It's like the movies are from two closely related but distinct continuities. Is there anything that happens in Begins that you need to know about to follow TDK? Posterity might forget that TDK was a sequel.

Anyway, watching this was part of a lead-up to The Dark Knight Rises. I've resolved to see it on Friday because I've spoiled myself enough for it already and I don't think I'll be able to go one day after it's come out without finding out every damn thing that happens simply by being on the internet. I expect every dimrod and nimwit who went to a midnight showing will wake up Friday afternoon and plaster the internet with OMG BATMAN DIES FROM A BOMB THAT EXPLODES IF HE LETS GO OF IT AND SO HE SWIMS IT TO THE BOTTOM OF GOTHAM HARBOR WITH IT DON'T SPOIL THIS ANYONE!!!?

That is my fear.

One story that I don't worry is going to give me unwanted insight into Rises is this nonsense about Bane representing or corresponding to Bain Capital. Some Democrat tried to draw comparisons between the two because Bane and Bain are homophones and wouldn't it be great if that meant something? Then Rush Limbaugh decided to weigh in, or hit back, or whatever it is he does these days. What baffles me is how he can think the Dark Knight franchise is carrying water for the Obama campaign, when if he couldn't read a neocon allegory into The Dark Knight he just wasn't trying. Maybe that's the answer. And not to brag but I thought of the whole Bain/Bane connection several months ago and decided not to mention it to anyone because it was stupid.

The tickets are purchased. Tomorrow I will go and see this movie with my girlfriend and then eat a delicious hamburger, probably while we gaze devastatedly across the table at each other pondering how Christopher Nolan pulverized the last of our faith in the human race.